how can one be fat
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I’ve been struggling with this question lately.
I know I am not what society calls fat, but I also don’t fit the ideal beauty standard. I can’t wear a tight shirt without having some rolls hanging out, or sleeveless shirt and take a picture without looking twice my size.
I was at the gym last week and pretended to work out when really all I just stood in front of the large mirror and frowned at my body. I found my body so unpleasant to look at that I left the gym early. Who does that?
I started jogging again this week (well I jogged once… I plan on doing it tomorrow as well) and part of myself wants to know if I’m doing this because I love the rush I get when I’m running up a hill, or how strong I feel when I’ve completed your three miles; or if I’m doing this because I want to look a certain way.
Can it be both?
Can I love the feeling of a jog but also want the flat belly?
By doing this, am I succumbing to society’s idea of beauty?
It annoys me to think that the discontent with my body comes from a source outside of my control.
But it is in my control. I have the power to say fuck it, I feel great and look great. Except, I don’t feel great. I feel weak and low on nutrition. I’ve been eating out a lot and abusing the amount of BBQ sauce I apply to one fry. I’m buying the burger and greasy fries that makes me lightheaded and nauseous. I’m buying the peanut butter Ben & Jerry’s pint and eating it in one sitting for dinner. I am doing that to myself.
Why is it that we live in a society that shames the “skinny” for being too thin and begs them to have a BigMac WHILE ALSO shaming the “fat” for being too fat and begs them to stop eating the junk food?? AND where does someone who looks skinny but eats the fast food junk fit in?
Can you eat like crap and be healthy?
Can you eat crap and be skinny?
Can you eat healthy and be fat?
Can you work out and still be fat?
Can you work out and eat like crap and be skinny?
Point is: why do we care so much about weight? why do we care so much about our body image and how others will perceive us through it?
Point is: I love to jog and I want to feel healthy and if I do that then who cares if I still have rolls hanging out and look twice my size in photographs who?
Point is: being content with your body is something we all need to survive in this world, when we fail to accept our body for what it is we open the door for harmful patterns.